"Vince am hungry. Must feed!"

In assessing the first round NFL playoff matchups, ESPN’s Mark Schlereth named fat man Vince Wilfork the key to the Patriots victory, and presumably the one to blame if they lose.  The Patriots hopes to advance to the next round now lie on his broad, fat shoulders.  He must use his tremendous girth to lift his team up, stopping periodically to rest the weight of their expectations on his epic gut whenever he gets out of breath.  Wilfork has missed the last three games due to his foot breaking beneath his gargantuan heft, but will play in the playoffs now that he is “healthy” (i.e. still life-threateningly fat, but able to play).  “Vince is a great “athlete,” and really does a wonderful job at nose tackle,” said coach Bill Bellichick while making quote signs with his fingers at the mention of the word athlete.  “That job, of course, is to be heavy and wide.”