Joe Mauer got a front row seat to watch his hopes and dreams get smashed high and deep into the night.

So now that the Yankees have advanced in the playoffs, in no small part due to the offensive production of Alex Rodriguez, can we now stop talking about how he “isn’t clutch,” or “folds under pressure,” or “can’t do it when it matters most?”  Seriously, I’ve lived in New York for the entire time A-Rod has, and I’ve seen more ninth inning, tie game, or close game homers than I can even count.  And though he hasn’t produced as well in the playoffs, I can’t understand why people would doubt his ability to ever do it.  So if A-Rod carries his team to the World Series, or to a championship itself, on a surgically repaired hip that will require more surgery once the season ends, can we finally stop this “not clutch” bullsh*t?  Or how about we just hurry this up and just stop talking about it now?  Deal?  Good.

Next topic: Justin Morneau totally isn’t clutch.  He didn’t show up at all in the playoffs this year.  Overrated.

This is Bud Selig's idea of a party.

For those of you that haven’t seen any of the playoff games, good for you.  I guarantee you were doing something better.  And for those of you, like me, who have watched them closely: I’m sorry.  Seriously.  These games have sucked.  My eyes want a refund.  Here’s my break down:

Rockies at Philly Game 1

BORING!  Normally I like a pitcher’s duel, but I usually like a 1-1 or 2-1 pitcher’s duel.  0-0 is just boring.  Nothing happens.  No big hits, no runs scored, nothing to get excited about.  And this game had that early on, but then the Phillies blew it open in one inning and the game was over.  So first nothing happened for a long time, and then it was pretty much a blowout. What a waste of time.  Cliff Lee did pitch a complete game and was one out away from a shutout.

Twins at Yankees

This game also sucked.  The Yankees pounded the Twins for runs early and often, while CC shut their offense down early and for good.  No fun, unless you’re a Yanks’ fan and wanted to see your team beat up on another team that was still tired from playing an extra innings game the night before just to squeak into the playoffs in the first place.  This game was a dry hump.

Cardinals at Dodgers Game 1

Finally!  A good game!  And I only had to wait til 11PM eastern time on a Wednesday to watch it!  But for serious, this game was fun to watch.  Both teams scored early, with Chris Carpenter giving up an uncharacteristic early homer to Matt Kemp, but they kept it close from there on.  The game was 2-1, then 3-1, then 3-2…  Eventually the Dodgers seemed like they had handled the Cardinals and there wasn’t much action late, no comeback from the Cards.  But at least this game grabbed my interest early and held it for most of the game.  Thanks guys.

Dodgers at Cardinals Game 2

Ha ha!  I love it when my team’s rivals sh*t the bed!  How does that feel Cardinals fans?  Does it hurt?  How do you feel about your shiny new toy, Matt Holliday, after he just shot his new team in the foot right when it matters most?  I want to drink your tears, St. Louis.  In case you couldn’t tell from my gloating, Matt Holliday had a costly error in the 9th inning to rob his team of a win.  I love schadenfreude.

Rockies at Philly Game 2

This game would have been boring at first if it weren’t for the fact that the team that lost the last game was taking revenge and trying to play spoiler to the home team.  Aaron Cook pitched brilliantly, shutting out the Phillies through the first 5 innings.  But then the Phillies made it interesting, pulling within 4-3 when the heart of their massive lineup started driving each other across the plate.  But in the end, this one went to the underdogs.  Now the series is tied heading into Denver.  Consider me excited.

Red Sox at Angels

Fahk, dude.  The fahking Red Sawks put up a stinkah!  This game was as pleasant as a wet fart.  It borrowed from the Rockies/Phillies game 1 blue print.  Nobody scored for a long time, then it was suddenly over.  The big guns definitely stepped up for the Angels, with John Lackey shutting out the Sox in 7+ innings of work and Torri Hunter hitting a three run homer.  On the other side, Boston didn’t even manage an extra base hit.  Way to show up, guys.  Again, just a sh*tty game, unless you’re an Angels fan.  So good for you, all three of you.

Kick Ass Fact: Rusty Kuntz hit the game winning RBI in game 5 of the 1984 World Series for the Tigers.  He actually popped it up to right, but Tony Gwynn lost sight of the ball and had to defer to the second baseman, who caught it but couldn’t throw the runner out at home.

Getting the reigning AL Cy Young winner without giving up their best pitching prospect (Kyle Drabek) makes the Phils the big winners.  Some say that they should have gone all out to get Halladay instead, but any time you can add a legit ace to your staff without ruining your plans for the future you have to pull the trigger.  Lee has been fantastic since his rough go in the first few weeks of the season, and will only fare better pitching against the Mets, Marlins, Braves, and Nationals in the NL.  This trade makes the Phils the favorites to reach the World Series this year, and probably next year as well.

Victor Martinez is exactly what this team needed.  He’s a switch hitter with a monsterous bat, and he can play catcher, 1B, and DH.  Those factors give the Sawx amazing flexibility when it comes to his placement in the field and in the lineup.  They can boost their play behind the plate by replacing the fading Jason Veritek, put him in at 1Band slide Youkilis to 3B to spell the recovering Mike Lowell, or throw him at DH to give Papi a day off.  The Sox offense has been stagnant for the last month, with Jason Bay in a huge slump, so a big bat is just what the doctor ordered.  And, as if to justify the move, V-Mart went 5-6n o Sunday.

Just like the Red Sox, the Giants were hurting for offense.  Insert former batting champion and consistent .300 hitter Freddy Sanchez.  The fact that he comes at a typically offensively-starved position at 2B doesn’t hurt either.  After getting Freddy, the Giants acquired Ryan Garko to play 1B.  Garko isn’t a big name, or a big bat for that matter, but he’s definitely an upgrade for them.  Now their team has a decent lineup to go with their great rotation, and are set up to have a chance to hold off all the teams that are nipping at the heels of the Wild Card leaders.

Doubters beware: you’re going to look stupid in a few years.  Everyone is bemoaning the Pirates selling off their “star” players and questioning the returns they got for them.  But There are two things these people are overlooking.  1) Those “star” players were fucking losers.  Don’t believe me?  Just check their record.  You think a team that features Jason Bay, Nate McClouth, Xavier Nady, and Nyjer Morgan in the outfield with an infield that has Freddy Sanchez, the LaRoche brothers, Jack Wilson, and Ryan Doumit sounds pretty good right?  Well they were fucking terrible.  They might be good individually, but that team was pathetic.  And 2) they have some terrifyingly young talent.  Andrew McCutchen, Garret Jones, and Delwyn Young have already introduced themselves to the league, and they have Pedro Alvarez looming over the horizon.  Throw in the improvements that they’ve made to their rotation, and that is a team that can contend for the long term, regardless of whether or not the trade returns can contribute.  Mark my words: the Pirates became a better team by making these moves over the last two years.

I’m not sure why the Reds felt they needed to add a player.  Their rotation is in shambles, with Harang and Cueto imploding over the last two months, and with Volquez missing the rest of the year.  BUT, this is a good young team that should contend in the future.  Rolen is an upgrade over Encarnacion, both with the bat and the glove.  If they can solve a few issues (the aforementioned rotation, Bruce’s low AVG, Votto’s mental/emotional issues, and Arroyo’s inflated contract), they will have a chance to contend next year.  Sound like a lot?  It is considering the tough NL Central.  But at least they’re closer to fielding a winning team.

Getting Jarrod Washburn solidifies their rotation as the best in the division, and pretty much guarantees that they’ll win the AL Central.  Washburn has had a great season, including a 2.64 ERA, most likely due to adding a split-finger fastball.  Detoit was already the favorites to win their division, with a strong rotation and an offense that centers around Granderson leading off and Cabrera driving in the runs.  But their rotation had struggled of late, with rookie Rick Porcello going on to a month-long funk, so Washburn gives them a little insurance down the stretch.  But, this trade leads us to…

I’m not sure what the Mariners’ plans are for the rest of the season or for the future.  But here’s what they did and didn’t do: First they traded for Jack Wilson.  Then they traded away Washburn.  Then they traded for a reliever.  So, are they buyers or sellers?  Trading a top starter makes you a seller, right?  But adding small pieces makes it look like they’re tweaking a winner.   Here’s the answer: neither. They sold high on Washburn, they had too many OFs, and they brought in a good SS.  If Washburn continues to be this good, they’ll look like idiots.  Otherwise, they made good trades regardless of the circumstances.

The Twins grabbed Orlando Cabrera from the A’s.  Not sure how much this will do for them in the tough AL Central race, but at least he’s an offensive upgrade over Nick Punto.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Nick Punto.  The guy is probably the most entertaining defensive player to watch in baseball.  But he’s hitting just over the Mendoza line, which isn’t cool.  Total party foul, Punto.  And Cabrera is a Gold Glover himself, so they’re not downgrading defensively either.  I like this move, I just don’t think it will make a difference.  Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, but OC wants to kill Edgar Renteria.  True story.  Look it up.

The Dodgers got George Sherrill from the Orioles.  Good pitcher, good move.  But I’m not sure how much this will help the Dodgers.  Yes, they have overused their young bullpen arms, especially Troncoso and Broxton.  And Sherrill will definitely keep them from being overused in the second half.  But I wonder if it’s too late.  Broxton missed some time with a no- DL injury earlier this year, and that only increased the load on Troncoso, who is pretty close to having thrown a full season by the end of August.  Nothing against Sherrill, but even though the Dodgers added a good player, I don’t think it makes them significantly better.

The Cubs got John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny from the Pirates.  They needed lefties in the bullpen, they got two lefties for the bullpen.  Just like the Dodgers, it addresses a need for a contending team that had already made a couple of big moves in the off-season.  And just like the Dodgers, it’s a good trade, but not a complexion changer.  you can tell when a team really believes in their team as is when all they do at the deadline is make one or two minor tweaks.  It’s a good sign for the North Siders that Hendry and Lou believe in the moves they made before the season started.

Good job, Marlins.  You added a spectacularly-mustachioed 1B in Nick Johnson, something I can appreciate as much as anyone.  Now what do you plan on doing with him?  Win the Wild Card?  I don’t think so.  Your team is still inferior to the Giants, Rockies, Cubs, and Cardinals.  It’s nice to see the Marlins actually add to their payroll for a change and go for it.  They probably just did this to see what it feels like.  They’ll go right back to their old ways after the season is over.  Either way, this might help them beat up on the terrible teams in their division, but it doesn’t make them better than the other contending teams.

The White Sox traded four pitching prospects for Jake Peavy, the same Jake Peavy that vetoed a trade to the White Sox earlier this year.  So what did they get out of this trade?  Well the simple answer is: an injured pitcher who has been shitty for two straight years anyway despite pitching in the best pitchers park in all of baseball and who might not pitch in your home run friendly park until next season anyway.  Now, I have always liked Kenny Williams.  He is one of the smartest and ballsiest GMs in baseball.  But this is a terrible gamble.  If it pays off, he’ll look like a genius.  But the chances of that are slim.

The Yankees added Jerry Hairston Jr.  Whatever.