Sorry J.P., wearing shades and trying to look cool doesn't distract from the fact that you throw like a girl. Also, you are probably the worst Gm in baseball. Sorry, worst FORMER GM.

Two baseball GMs got fired today, J.P. Ricciardi of the Blue Jays and Kevin Towers of the Padres.  Ricciardi probably got fired for years of complete and utter incompetence, while Towers probably got let go due to how awful his team is with the exception of, literally, one lone bright spot.  Let’s go over the records of these to fellows so we can see how they meandered their way to unemployment.

We’ll start with Towers.  The Padres made consecutive playoff appearances in ‘05 and ‘06.  During that time, Towers made a killer trade with the Rangers for both Chris Young and aforementioned bright spot Adrian Gonzalez, who has since gone on to be one of the best players in baseball.  Since those seasons, however, he’s had a string of bad luck.  His ace, Jake Peavy, imploded with injuries and poor pitching when he was healthy, and was traded for close to nothing to the White Sox as a money saving move.  The same goes for former rising star Kalil Greene, who was given away after his potential failed to show up.  A major mistake Towers made this past year was re-signing woman-hitter Brian Giles for $9 million.  This is despite cheaper and much more productive options for right field who also don’t hit women.  But from what I can tell, most of the Padres failures stem from the fact that their owners are going through a nasty divorce and need to save money in the short term and eventually sell the team in order to be able to split their assets 50/50.  But you can’t blame your team’s failures on, “sorry, it’s not working out between me and the wife,” so instead you fire someone to shift the blame.  But as far as I can tell, Towers didn’t do a bad job with what little he was given.

Now, on to J.P. Ricciardi.  He was the number three guy in the Oakland A’s staff in the early part of the decade behind Billy Beane and Paul DePodesta, respectively.  The Jays thought they could use some of Beane’s “Moneyball” magic to compete with the large payrolls of the Yankees and Red Sox in their division.  However, Ricciardi showed absolutely ZERO understanding of how to get lots of production for little money, as he made two of the worst signings I’ve ever seen.  The first was giving Vernon Wells the SIXTH RICHEST contract in the history of baseball back in 2006.  Now, I realize that Vernon Wells had two very productive seasons prior to that signing, but not historic years.  So why would he get a historic contract?  Well, Ricciardi decided that those two good seasons were a trend that meant that he would continue to put up better numbers every year until he was one of the greatest all-around players ever.  What happened instead?  Wells has been absolutely TERRIBLE in the three seasons since.  He’s not even the 6th best center fielder in the AL, and might not even be the 6th best player on his own team.  Way to base your team on only the absolute best possible scenario, J.P.  As if that contract didn’t already handicap them enough, Ricciardi also signed Alex Rios to a HUGE contract based purely on overinflated projections of future production.  How did that one turn out?  Rios has been so bad that the Jays had to give him away for free to anyone who would have him.  He was also ranked as the worst player in baseball today by Jason Stark.  Nice one, J.P.  Way to use your team’s limited resources wisely.

And though the Jays have a couple young stars that should be the center of their team in 2B Aaron Hill and OF Adam Lind, it won’t be enough to compete in the AL East.  And the only chance he had to add multiple pieces for the future, by trading ace Roy Halladay at the deadline, he completely botched by asking for two much and overestimating the market and the number of teams willing to part with enough to bring Halladay in.  His reasoning was that Halladay could lead a healthy pitching staff next year and they would be able to compete again, but he’s delirious still.  Even with their injured starters returning they wouldn’t be able to compete with the Sox and Yanks.  In the end, Ricciardi spent a ton of money and didn’t make his team better in any way, but did manage to saddle them with a few completely indefensible and crippling contracts from which it will take years to recover.

The Cubs have lost 6 straight.

The Jays have lost 6 straight.

The Padres have won 9 straight.

What?!?!?!That’s right folks, one team that was built as a contender and one team that was built for mediochrity went from riding high to struggling, while a team that went into the season in fire sale mode ends up crushing their competition.  In the midst of all of their winning, the Padres tried to trade ace Jake Peavey to the White Sox, which he promptly shot down BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE TRADED TO A WINNING TEAM IN THE NL, you know, like the San Diego Padres.

As for the two struggling teams, the Cubs are still having trouble driving in runs with Aramis Ramirez on the DL.  He’s not coming back any time soon, so they’d better find a way to produce runs through a little small ball, or get Milton Bradley and Derrek Lee going.  Speaking of Milton Bradley, just when you think he can’t get any crazier he goes all Carl-Everett-not-believing-in-dinosaurs on us.  You see, Milton “Child’s Play” Bradley thinks that umpires are expanding his strike zone in retaliation to his getting tossed from the Cubs home opener.  Here is Bradley’s latest philosophical gem:

“Unfortunately, I just think it’s a lot of  ‘Oh, you did this to my colleague,’ or ‘We’re going to get him any time we can.  As soon as he gets two strikes, we’re going to call whatever and see what he does.  Let’s try to ruin Milton Bradley.’  It’s just unfortunate.  But I’m going to come out on top.  I always do.  What am I supposed to do?  You lead the American League in OPS, and two years in the top three in the league in on-base percentage.  All of a sudden now, I come to Chicago and I can’t see the ball no more?  I don’t know a strike from a ball?  I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.  There’s a lot involved, and it’s a lot of politics where there’s nothing you can do about it.”

So what did we learn today?  Political powers are bearing down on Milton, forcing him to swing at bad pitches.  You see, he doesn’t want to swing at bad pitches.  As for the good pitches that he hits right to a defender?  That is also just part of a massive conspiracy against him.  Don’t worry Cubs fans, he’s not having trouble hitting, it’s just a plot by umpires to ruin him as revenge for his insane blowups in the past.  He’s not off to a slow start, it’s just politics.  Thanks, Milton, for your insightful and not-at-all-paranoid rant commentary.

Back to topsy-turvy week, as Milton Bradley acting crazy is completely normal, The Blue Jays are fading.  While they aren’t the best looking team on paper, you figure they can at least stay above .500 for the rest of the year even in the AL East due to ace Roy Halladay and their group of young talent, like Adam Lind and Aaron Hill.  But they really have no shot at staying in first with the Rays, Red Sox, and Yankees fighting it out for the top spot.  Also, the Orioles are much improved from last year, and will only get better once they realize that Matt Weiters is still wasting his talents in the minors while their current starting catcher, Gregg Zaun, is hitting somethig around the .000000000001 range.

Aside from winning streaks, Michael Cuddyer hit for the cycle, and Joel Piniero had a complete game shut out.  Cuddyer has had good seasons in the past, and the cycle is a pretty random and mostly meaningless event, so I’ll pass on comenting on that one.  But Joel Piniero having a CG shut out?  I think this is Dave Duncan finally saying “I don’t care who the pitcher is, or how bad they are.  Give me the shittiest pitcher you can find and I’ll squeeze wins out of ‘em.”  First Kyle Lohse last year, now Piniero.  It’s like he’s mocking his colleagues.  Well, fuck you Dave Duncan.  Fuck you for being so good and coaching for my team’s rival.