Eye Candy

Racist Team Name V Falcons

Any game involving The Unconscionably Racist Team from DC Whose Name I Refuse To Type is automatically eye rape.  They’re terrible, they’re coach is a dead man walking, their owner is thin-skinned and employs unheard-of levels of censorship on his own paying customers, and they just lost their best player to a concussion.  On the other side, Michael Turner finally played like a 1st round fantasy pick.  Only took him 9 weeks, too.  Eye Rape

Cardinals V Bears

As a Bears fan, my eyes should feel violated after a loss this bad, and should be in a room with police right now giving a detailed description of the Cardinal’s penis so that they can file charges.  But our nose tackle Tommy Harris punched someone in the face four plays into the game.  That has to be the first time that someone was actually hurt by a punch thrown in a football game, since most of the time said punches land on helmets and such.  Nice sucker punch, Tommy, you dirty b*tch.  Eye Candy

Ravens V Bengals

I refuse to be friends with anyone who dislikes Chad Ochocinco.  First of all, he’s awesome at football, and provides WAY less diva drama than other receivers.  Second of all, and maybe more importantly, he’s entertaining, engaging, and witty.  He legally changed his name purely for comedic purposes.    He has

Eye Rape

elaborate touchdown celebrations that he schemes up in the pre-season.  His stunts are funny, clever, and are only offensive to the most uptight bleeding vagina that ever had their panties in a bunch.  In yesterday’s game, Ochocinco pretended to bribe a ref with a George Washington to get the replay call in his favor.  Bravo, sir.  Bra-f#cking-vo.  Eye Candy from the Dollar Store

Texans V Colts

Any game that ends in a missed field goal is automatically eye rape, whether it’s this game or Super Bowl XXV (congrats, Giants, you didn’t lose).  That’s just the most deflating, anti-climactic way for a game to end.  The winning team didn’t even win by any actions or decisions of their own, the losing team just lost by blowing a routine play.  The only time a missed field goal ending was in any way acceptable was when the kicker was a guy named Ray Finkle.  Eye Rape, Laces Out Edition

Sorry to burst your bubble, but real-life "cougars" don't look anything like this. Any woman who looks this good isn't "on the prowl." She already has a man, and he is hanging onto her for dear life. Real cougars look like this, and smell like desperation and hot-flash sweat.

Dolphins V Patriots

This game could also be called “Wildcat V Spread,” but that sounds too much like your buddy’s story about boning some cougar he met at a bar (after striking out with every 20-something female in sight).  This one came down to the wire, with Brady and Moss providing the late-game drama.  Eye Candy, Cougar Style

Buccaneers V Packers

The Packers lost to the last winless team in the NFL. That REALLY softens the blow from my Bears getting their dicks ripped off and handed to them by Kurt Warner.  Delicious Eye Candy

Chiefs V Jaguars

This is about as ugly as it gets, folks: two poorly-coached teams whose players have given up and are just watching the clock tick down and the calendar pages flip by until the season comes to a merciful end.  Well, except if you’re Larry Johnson, whose season, and perhapse career, has already come to an end.  Who’s cakin’ now, patna?  Eye Rape with a Side of Domestic Violence

Lions V Seahawks

The Seahawks had to rally from 17 points down IN THE FIRST QUARTER to beat the Lions.  The Lions were the only team in the first quarter to score, then Seattle did all the scoring for the next three quarters (save a lonely Detroit field goal).  Anyone who was subjected to this travesty should get their ticket money refunded, and the people who watched at home should just be given a consolation gift, like flowers or a desert tray (you know, like when someone dies).  Eye Rape

Panthers V Saints

I shouldn’t be rewarding the Saints for having to come back against the Panthers, but this game had a nice back-and-forth to it.  The Panthers came out early, then the Saints rallied, then the Panthers tied it up, then the Saints pulled away in the 4th.  But again, this was an undefeated team against the Panthers and their QB Jake Del Boca Vista, so this one is an inbetweener.  Eye Candy from a dish at your grandma’s house that went bad several decades ago.

Chargers V Giants

Finally, a game that can be rated as eye candy purely for the action that happened on the field.  This game came down to the wire, and was decided by a touchdown with 21 seconds to go.  Now the Giants have lost 4 straight, and it’s looking more and more like the Saints will cruise to the Super Bowl out of the NFC.  Meanwhile, the Chargers had to cut wide receiver Chris Chambers after the game over concerns about his girlfriend stalking his wife.  Eli Manning outplayed Phillip Rivers, who is a terrible human being, and LaDanian Tomlinson continued to get his number called despite the fact that his career is very obviously over.  “The finest running back to ever wear an NFL uniform” my f#cking a$$.  Eye Candy

Titans V 49ers

I’m kind of hogtied on this one.  My friend Chuck Hustle sent me a text last night proclaiming this game to be eye rape, which, seeing as he’s from San Fran, is undeniable from his perspective.  But we also watched a reborn Vince Young lead a terrible team to their second straight win after being winless through 6 games, which is pretty compelling television.  However, this game also featured Alex Smith, who was supposed to be on a comeback tour of his own, but instead turned in a 3 interception/2 fumble/4 sack pants-shitting in his first home start in 2 years.  So Chuck was right.  Eye Rape

Cowboys V Eagles

Ok, we had one more game that can be called eye candy purely for the on field action.  This game was close throughout, involved several highlight-reel-worthy catches by Eagles receivers, and came down to the wire when the Cowboys went up for good on a touchdown catch by America’s favorite “Little Engine that Could,” Miles Austin.  Sweet Sweet Eye Candy

Steelers V Broncos

This game hasn’t kicked off yet, but I’m going to go with Eye Candy.  This game features a hard-hitting shampoo spokesman versus a guy with a neck beard who has been described as “quiet” and “shy” (i.e. potential serial killer).  I’m going with neck beard, out of fear of retribution from someone who looks like he might snap at any moment.

Eye Candy

Welcome to another addition of Eye Candy / Eye Rape where I rate the NFL games this week in turms of their watchability.  Let’s get going:

Texans vs. 49ers: The first half was some brutal eye rape, but then the 49ers came back and almost tied it.  Plus, we got to see Alex Smith look like an actualy QB instead of a huge bust.  So, Eye Candy

Packers vs. Browns: The browns are walking eye rape.  Any game involving them will be in that category.  If you’re not watching Derek Anderson make a mockery of his contract, you’re watching Brady Quinn’s bulging arm veins.  They are the “pick your poison” of Eye Rape.

Chargers vs. Chiefs: This was eye sodomy.  One team is good but is full of a$$holes, one team is bad and is overshadowed by one ginormous a$$hole.  Speaking of which, watching LJ meltdown after the game over Twitter was definitely eye candy.  But the game itself?  Eye Rape with a Blunt Object

Colts vs. Rams: Much like the Browns, any game involving the Rams is eye rape, only more so.  This is easily the least-good team in the league and I’m fully predicting an 0-16 season out of them.  They’re worse than the Lions were last year, and they pulled it off.  In fact, each games play is pretty close to actual rape.  All that’s missing is the opposing teams d*cks in the Rams’ a$$es.  Eye Gang Rape

Vikings vs. Steelers: This one was the opposite of eye rape.  It was an eye orgasm with someone you love.

Eye Rape

I could watch Brett Favre get his ass kicked all day.  And lucky for me, that’s exactly what I got to see yesterday thanks to the Steelers’ defense.  Thanks guys.  I’m going to go smoke a cigarette now.  Sweet, Sweet Eye Candy

Patriots vs. Buccaneers: Seriously NFL?  You wanted to show THIS to England to try to get them interested in football?  That’s not even close to a genuine attempt at giving them a competitive game to watch.  All they saw was a track meet by the Pats.  There is no joke here, only criticism for the NFL.  If you’re going to bother putting on games in London, and are genuinely trying to build an audience there, why not bother to put together a good matchup?  This is just a waste of everyone’s time.  International Eye Rape

Jets vs. Raiders: JaMarcus Russel is eye rape personified.  I feel violated after every time I watch him.  Eye Rape so bad that it feels like actual rape.

Bills vs. Panthers: Two terrible teams battling it out to see who’s worse.  This game featured a new QB in Buffalo whose name I’m not even bothering to learn.  In fact, it hasn’t mattered since Flutie.  Lossman, Edwards, New Guy, it doesn’t matter.  They are terrible.  Eye Statutory Rape (in honor of Roman Polanski’s arrest)

Bengals vs. Bears: This was not only vicious eye rape, it was an eye hate-f#ck.  Cedric Benson spent a few years and a few million dollars being a bench player on our team, then got into a ton of legal trouble, then went to Cincy and showed us why he was the #4 overall pick.  Where was this when you wee in Chicago, Cedric?  And why do you feel the need to take revenge on a team that tried to make you successful, only to have you burn them with a series of arrests?  Eye Rape as some sort of sick revenge

Cowboys vs. Falcons: This was a pretty competitive game, but I most liked it for watching the emergence of a new NFL star, Miles Austin, an underdog if there ever was one.  He went undrafted out of Monmouth University and has spent 3 years as a role player.  Watching him destroy opposing defenses is about as pleasurable to watch as anything in sports right now.  Also, Patrick Crayton scored 2 TDs, further marginalizing Roy Williams.  I know it’s petty, but I can’t resist on bringing this back to Matt Millen.  That guy is officially 1 for 4 at drafting first round wide receivers (all top 10 pics).  Eye Candy

Saints vs. Dolphins: Delicious eye candy.  The Dolphins jumped all over the Saints early, which was intriguing given that New Orleans was undefeated.  But then Drew Brees started doing his Frank Reich impression, and the Saints came back from 21 points down to winning by 12.  It was like watching the Rope a Dope.  Extra points for Reggie Bush’s CRAZY leap into the end zone from the six yard line.  This wasn’t just Eye Candy, watching this game was like being at the titty bars in heaven.

Cardinals vs. Giants: Nobody watched this game.  Well, maybe Cardinals fans, and they probably liked it a lot.  Yes these were two good NFC teams matched up, but the Yankees were clinching, so only people in Phoenix cared.  Total Indifference to what was probably a good game.

Eagles vs. Redskins: This game didn’t deserve my viewership.  I vote that the Racist Team Name from DC That I Refuse to Type be banned from nationally televised games until Dan Snyder sells the team or installs his buddy Tom Cruise at QB.  Now, THAT would be an entertaining game to watch.  Eye Rape by an insane millionaire

And that’s it for this edition of Eye Candy / Eye Rape.  The final was: Eye Candy 4 – Eye Rape 8.  See you next week!

Geaux Saints!

Drew Brees was overheard shouting “Deez nutz!” as he threw his 4th TD pass in his team’s destruction of the formerly undefeated Giants.  Eli and the Giants looked like crap against the only good team they’ve played all year, while the Saints looked great in ever phase of the game.  Brees not only proved how much better he is that Eli, but also gave us a look at who might soon be considered the greatest QB to ever wear a Saints uniform (formerly that other Manning dude).  Jeremy Shockey caught one of Brees’ 4 TD passes, which must have made this loss taste extra salty for the Giants.  The New Orleans faithful showed their love for Brees and his teammates by getting wasted on hurricanes and flashing their tits.

Notice anything odd?  Like, maybe, how there are 5 unanimous picks, 4 picks with only a single dissenting vote, 3 picks with only two dissenting votes, etc.  Apparently all the talking heads at ESPN think that there are only two competitive games happening this week, and one of those games ISN’T the Giants/Saints game that’s making every football fan’s panties wet.  Granted, there are a lot of good teams playing bad teams in this week, but you’d still expect more than one person would go against the grain in a game between one-loss teams, or more than two people would go the other way in a game between undefeated teams, right?  Wrong.  This is ESPN’s football coverage we’re talking about.  These are the people that think that Chris Berman is funny (newsflash: he’s annoying), and that willfully employed crazy d*ck-flasher Sean Salisbury for a long time.  Way to go, World Wide Leader.

Eye candy

Jets/Dolphins

Wildcat wildcat wildcat wildcat wildcat.  I thought this was going to be a trend in football that died out quickly, like the spread offense.  I was wrong, at least when it comes to the team that invented it.  And apparently Chad Henne is a genuine QB prospect, though the Fins also worked in Pat White in the 4th quarter. The Dolphins are now on their 85th and 86th QBs since Dan Marino.  Serious Eye Candy

Browns/Bills

I would like to apologize to JaMarcus Russell for calling him the worst player in the NFL, because Derek Anderson just went 2 for 17 against the Bills.  Good thing you took Brady Quinn out, Mangini. The final score was 2 field goals to one field goal.  This game was ugly.  Lindasy Lohan ugly.  Eye Rape

Steelers/Lions

The Steelers are NOT repeating this year.  In fact, they’re not even good.  They beat the Lions by one score a week after my Bears doubled them in points and hung 48 on them.  I doubt they’re even making the playoffs this year in their tough division.  And the Lions were missing their starting QB.  If Matt Millen were still running them, do

Eye rape

you think he would have drafted Crabtree, Heyward-Bey, Maclin, or Harvin over Stafford?  That’s a rhetoric question.  He definitely would have.  Eye Rape

Cowboys/Chiefs

The Cowboys are terrible.  They’re not a playoff team.  The Chiefs almost beat them.  The Chiefs lost to the Raiders.  And the Cowboys needed a miracle play in OT to beat them.  That said, Matt Cassel looks like he’s for real.  Tony Romo looks horrible.  As an aside, welcome to the NFL, Miles Austin.  We’ll be seeing more of you I’m sure.  Eye Candy

Vikings/Rams

One team is 5-0, the other is 0-5.  So again, I have to ask: are the Rams the worst team in the NFL, or the least good team in the NFL?  Also, will we have a second straight year with a team going 0-16?  Maybe Steve Spagnuolo should have stayed with the Giants.  Eye Rape

Giants/Raiders

I was actually at this game… for the first half.  That’s how non-competitive this game was.  Sadly, even though I left at halftime, Eli Manning left before then, as in: the backups were already playing before the end of the second quarter.   At one point, the Giants had scored touchdowns on each of their first 4 possessions, and the Raiders didn’t have a single first down in any of their first four possessions.  That’s how big the gap is between a contender and what should be considered the NFL’s first minor league team.  Brutal Eye Rape

Buccaneers/Eagles

Another 0-5 team.  I think the Eagles D took the day off.  How else do you explain two TDs by Kellen Winslow, Jr.?  Eye Rape

Outrageously Racist Team Name from DC that I Refuse to Type/Panthers

This game was close, but only because both teams suck my left nut (not the right one, I’m saving that one for marriage).  Yes, it featured a huge comeback by the Panthers, but I would chalk that up more to DC’s incompetence than to anything that Jake Delhomme and company did.  These teams will be fighting for draft slots in a month.  Eye Rape

Bengals/Ravens

This was a great game.  It featured a last second touchdown, an Ed Reed pick-6, and lots of Eightfive (I don’t speak Spanish).  It also featured Ray Lewis taking Eightyfive’s helmet off on a viscious illegal hit, though Eightfive wasn’t hurt on the play and even got in Lewis’ face afterward.  Definite Eye Candy

Falcons/49ers

Mike Singletary needs to drop trou again.  His team played like the embarrassing  49ers of the last few years, not the inspired team we’ve seen so far this year.  Given, Frank Gore was still out with an injury, but still…  Their performance can best be exemplified by Dre Bly, who picked off Matt Ryan and thought he had an easy 80 yard return, so he started showboating as soon as he caught it.  But instead, Roddy White caught up to him, quickly, and knocked the ball away from him before a fellow Falcon recovered it.  Singletary sent Vernon Davis to the showers mid-game last year for half-assing it.  I will be surprised and confused if Dre Bly is allowed to play next week.  Vicious Eye Rape

Jaguars/Seahawks

Jack Del Rio is already fired.  I’m just waiting for the official press release.  The Seahawks are a terrible team.  They have TWO good players on offense.  That’s it.  And they hung 41 points on the Jags.  And Del Rio is supposed to be a defensive coach.  Also, I genuinely don’t understand how you get shut out in an NFL game.  Not even a field goal?  Really?  Seriously, Jags?  Eye Rape with a Sharp Object

Texans/Cardinals

This was another game that featured a furious second half comeback, and it also featured a goal-line stand to end the game.  The Texans came out from halftime and made up for their first half ineptitude by pulling within one touchdown.  They just missed sending the game into overtime, but were stuffed on the one yard line by the Cardinals D.  That’s got to be one of the most exciting ways to win for the home crowd.  Major Eye Candy

Patriots/Broncos

It’s weird how Belichick’s protegees always beat him in their first meeting (aside from Romeo Crennel, who wasn’t really a coach and didn’t run a real team).  I guess this means that Belichick will beat them in the playoffs like he did Mangini?  This one featured another double-digit come back, and went into OT where it was one by a field goal to push the Broncos to 5-0.  Tremendous Eye Candy

Colts/Titans

When Vince Young put out that statement this summer that he would take back the starting QB job and eventually win a Super Bowl, we all laughed.  Well, I’m not laughing anymore and neither should you.  He’ll definitely be a starter before the end of the year.  And with Jeff Fisher’s ability to put together a winner, this season aside, he might have a shot at a title down the line (especially with the draft picks they’re going to get in the next two years).  Also, Peyton Manning is good at quarterbacking.  Eye Rape

And there you have it folks.  It was a pretty even week as far as watchable/unwatchable games were concerned.  And the watchable ones were pretty damn good.  Plus, I was lucky enough to see in person the difference between an NFL team that will contend for a title this year and one that will contend for the first pick in the draft.  They always talk about parity in this league, why does no onw ever point out the MASSIVE difference between the best and worst teams?

Now I’m sitting in my bedroom at my parents house, delirious with hunger from having to fast for a day, and trying to digest the day in football since I can’t digest any food.  My Bears won an interesting game in which our opponent missed two easy field goals for the second week in a row, both games having been capitalized upon by a Jay Cutler-led drive for the winning score.  We also saw the Lions win for their first time in 20 games, which is a miserable stat in any sport, but especially one that only plays 16 games a year.  We also saw Brett Favre gun-sling his way to another victory in the way that only the old gun-slinging gun-slinger can because he has so much fun and likes to sling guns and don’t we all love Brett Favre and isn’t he fun-loving and gun-slinging. The lesson to be learned from him is: take unnecessary risks, d*ck everyone over everywhere, lie and cry your a$$ off, and you will be rewarded as long as you look like you have fun doing it.  There are few faces on earth I want to punch more than Brett Fav-ruh’s.

Mike Vick returned to playing football… poorly.  The Bengals had an exciting last-second victory over the defending (though not very well) champs.  The Colts officially ushered in Arizona’s Super Bowl hangover.  Kyle Orton showed that he can keep winning football games despite not displaying any discernible football skills.  The Rams are really going out of their way to prove that they are the worst team in the NFL.  Really guys, we believe you, you don’t have to convince us.  Fred Taylor proved that you can have 6,900 knee surgeries and still be a productive running back in the NFL.  Mark Sanchez continues to prove he is the greatest Mexican American QB who ever lived, and also continues to grow out a mustache just to frustrate all of the commentators who want to make a “Dirty Sanchez” joke on air, but will lose their job if they do.  One of these days, an announcer’s head is going to explode because of this.  Or they’ll just give in and be fired immediately.  Those are the only two options.  Keep it up Mark.

The Giants proved that my friend Dave and I totally overlooked Tampa as one of the worst teams in the league.  The Ravens continued to torture Cleveland fans who know that all these years of amazing defense and championship contention should be theirs, but instead their new franchise is in shambles while they continue to draft and sign terrible QBs with no end in sight.  Fun times in Cleveland.  Mo-Jo Drew played one man wrecking crew while Drew Brees took a breather and let his teammates carry him for a change.  I’m sure Phillip Rivers talked mad sh*t to the opposing team again after running in for a score, and really deserves a good kick in the nuts, hard.

That’s it for Sunday’s games.  Monday night we have a match-up between two teams who people thought were contenders in the last few years, and are setting their hearts on proving just how dumb any of those Super Bowl picks were for either team.  They also both feature QBs who people used to think were good, but are also out to prove just how wrong any of us were about that.  Good times.  But as the sign says, I won’t be watching or writing about it, because I’m a Jew and tomorrow is our day for being hungry and apologizing for stuff.  For serious.  Look it up if you don’t believe me.

Getting the reigning AL Cy Young winner without giving up their best pitching prospect (Kyle Drabek) makes the Phils the big winners.  Some say that they should have gone all out to get Halladay instead, but any time you can add a legit ace to your staff without ruining your plans for the future you have to pull the trigger.  Lee has been fantastic since his rough go in the first few weeks of the season, and will only fare better pitching against the Mets, Marlins, Braves, and Nationals in the NL.  This trade makes the Phils the favorites to reach the World Series this year, and probably next year as well.

Victor Martinez is exactly what this team needed.  He’s a switch hitter with a monsterous bat, and he can play catcher, 1B, and DH.  Those factors give the Sawx amazing flexibility when it comes to his placement in the field and in the lineup.  They can boost their play behind the plate by replacing the fading Jason Veritek, put him in at 1Band slide Youkilis to 3B to spell the recovering Mike Lowell, or throw him at DH to give Papi a day off.  The Sox offense has been stagnant for the last month, with Jason Bay in a huge slump, so a big bat is just what the doctor ordered.  And, as if to justify the move, V-Mart went 5-6n o Sunday.

Just like the Red Sox, the Giants were hurting for offense.  Insert former batting champion and consistent .300 hitter Freddy Sanchez.  The fact that he comes at a typically offensively-starved position at 2B doesn’t hurt either.  After getting Freddy, the Giants acquired Ryan Garko to play 1B.  Garko isn’t a big name, or a big bat for that matter, but he’s definitely an upgrade for them.  Now their team has a decent lineup to go with their great rotation, and are set up to have a chance to hold off all the teams that are nipping at the heels of the Wild Card leaders.

Doubters beware: you’re going to look stupid in a few years.  Everyone is bemoaning the Pirates selling off their “star” players and questioning the returns they got for them.  But There are two things these people are overlooking.  1) Those “star” players were fucking losers.  Don’t believe me?  Just check their record.  You think a team that features Jason Bay, Nate McClouth, Xavier Nady, and Nyjer Morgan in the outfield with an infield that has Freddy Sanchez, the LaRoche brothers, Jack Wilson, and Ryan Doumit sounds pretty good right?  Well they were fucking terrible.  They might be good individually, but that team was pathetic.  And 2) they have some terrifyingly young talent.  Andrew McCutchen, Garret Jones, and Delwyn Young have already introduced themselves to the league, and they have Pedro Alvarez looming over the horizon.  Throw in the improvements that they’ve made to their rotation, and that is a team that can contend for the long term, regardless of whether or not the trade returns can contribute.  Mark my words: the Pirates became a better team by making these moves over the last two years.

I’m not sure why the Reds felt they needed to add a player.  Their rotation is in shambles, with Harang and Cueto imploding over the last two months, and with Volquez missing the rest of the year.  BUT, this is a good young team that should contend in the future.  Rolen is an upgrade over Encarnacion, both with the bat and the glove.  If they can solve a few issues (the aforementioned rotation, Bruce’s low AVG, Votto’s mental/emotional issues, and Arroyo’s inflated contract), they will have a chance to contend next year.  Sound like a lot?  It is considering the tough NL Central.  But at least they’re closer to fielding a winning team.

Getting Jarrod Washburn solidifies their rotation as the best in the division, and pretty much guarantees that they’ll win the AL Central.  Washburn has had a great season, including a 2.64 ERA, most likely due to adding a split-finger fastball.  Detoit was already the favorites to win their division, with a strong rotation and an offense that centers around Granderson leading off and Cabrera driving in the runs.  But their rotation had struggled of late, with rookie Rick Porcello going on to a month-long funk, so Washburn gives them a little insurance down the stretch.  But, this trade leads us to…

I’m not sure what the Mariners’ plans are for the rest of the season or for the future.  But here’s what they did and didn’t do: First they traded for Jack Wilson.  Then they traded away Washburn.  Then they traded for a reliever.  So, are they buyers or sellers?  Trading a top starter makes you a seller, right?  But adding small pieces makes it look like they’re tweaking a winner.   Here’s the answer: neither. They sold high on Washburn, they had too many OFs, and they brought in a good SS.  If Washburn continues to be this good, they’ll look like idiots.  Otherwise, they made good trades regardless of the circumstances.

The Twins grabbed Orlando Cabrera from the A’s.  Not sure how much this will do for them in the tough AL Central race, but at least he’s an offensive upgrade over Nick Punto.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Nick Punto.  The guy is probably the most entertaining defensive player to watch in baseball.  But he’s hitting just over the Mendoza line, which isn’t cool.  Total party foul, Punto.  And Cabrera is a Gold Glover himself, so they’re not downgrading defensively either.  I like this move, I just don’t think it will make a difference.  Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, but OC wants to kill Edgar Renteria.  True story.  Look it up.

The Dodgers got George Sherrill from the Orioles.  Good pitcher, good move.  But I’m not sure how much this will help the Dodgers.  Yes, they have overused their young bullpen arms, especially Troncoso and Broxton.  And Sherrill will definitely keep them from being overused in the second half.  But I wonder if it’s too late.  Broxton missed some time with a no- DL injury earlier this year, and that only increased the load on Troncoso, who is pretty close to having thrown a full season by the end of August.  Nothing against Sherrill, but even though the Dodgers added a good player, I don’t think it makes them significantly better.

The Cubs got John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny from the Pirates.  They needed lefties in the bullpen, they got two lefties for the bullpen.  Just like the Dodgers, it addresses a need for a contending team that had already made a couple of big moves in the off-season.  And just like the Dodgers, it’s a good trade, but not a complexion changer.  you can tell when a team really believes in their team as is when all they do at the deadline is make one or two minor tweaks.  It’s a good sign for the North Siders that Hendry and Lou believe in the moves they made before the season started.

Good job, Marlins.  You added a spectacularly-mustachioed 1B in Nick Johnson, something I can appreciate as much as anyone.  Now what do you plan on doing with him?  Win the Wild Card?  I don’t think so.  Your team is still inferior to the Giants, Rockies, Cubs, and Cardinals.  It’s nice to see the Marlins actually add to their payroll for a change and go for it.  They probably just did this to see what it feels like.  They’ll go right back to their old ways after the season is over.  Either way, this might help them beat up on the terrible teams in their division, but it doesn’t make them better than the other contending teams.

The White Sox traded four pitching prospects for Jake Peavy, the same Jake Peavy that vetoed a trade to the White Sox earlier this year.  So what did they get out of this trade?  Well the simple answer is: an injured pitcher who has been shitty for two straight years anyway despite pitching in the best pitchers park in all of baseball and who might not pitch in your home run friendly park until next season anyway.  Now, I have always liked Kenny Williams.  He is one of the smartest and ballsiest GMs in baseball.  But this is a terrible gamble.  If it pays off, he’ll look like a genius.  But the chances of that are slim.

The Yankees added Jerry Hairston Jr.  Whatever.