“I remember being corralled into a corner and getting sexually harassed by a female dwarf.  I think we all know what that’s like”  [Ed. note: we don't]

“The Border is the only place I have ever: told someone I was going to have them shot, wrapped my key in my fist and threatened to stab someone (self defense, dud was much bigger than me), been cornered in the bathroom by “Sketchy Dude from Lil’ Compton” who wanted me to get him a quap, had that same Sketchy Dude throw up on himself in my car in the parking lot while smoking a blunt, bet someone $200 I could beat them in pool while I could hardly stand up, competed in 151 and jack and coke races, never used a real ID.  That’s just a few off the top of my head.”

“I remember the time I went there and stumbled upon a brawl between the hockey team and the bouncers.  The bouncers won HANDS DOWN, as one of the hockey players had his nose exploded all over his face and the front of his shirt.”

“I remember once when the DJ announced that it was somebody’s birthday and asked the girl how old she was.  She screams, ‘I’m 19!’  And the whole bar goes silent for a second contemplating her stupidity.  Then the DJ says, ‘That’s ok, we don’t care here at the Border.’  And everyone just goes back to drinking and pretends that none of that just happened.”

“One thing the Border did that is underrated was selling a full 6 pack.  Taht’s the way to roll.  If you know you’re in for 6 beers, you might as well get them all at once.”

“My Border trick was to just get myself a pitcher and sip at it all night so I could avoid having to elbow people out of my way to get another drink.  I once got into trouble when I bought a second one though.  I still managed to go home with a girl who didn’t go to DU that night, even though I was completely blacked out, and only remember being at the bar, then being at her house, then waking up.  Thanks, Border!”

“I remember me and another girl rollerblading through the Border on a Monday night with a water bottle filled with wine.  We tried to play pool.  We got kicked out – quickly.”

“Remember the 2 inch think sludge that would be in the floor?  You would get foot rot if you wore sandals.”

“[note: this is from a girl] I punched some fat old chick who was trying to fight my friend sophomore year.  I don’t remember how it started, but I hit and ran.”

“I once witnessed “The Red Devil,” AKA “Lefty,” exiting one of the lovely and clean bathrooms with a semi-toothless bouncer.  It was priceless.”

“On my friend’s 21st birthday, me and another buddy were mocking some guy’s sweater.  We go outside, sh*tfaced, and get into it with this dude.  He pushes my friend, who slips on some ice and immediately jumps back up screaming, ‘You just signed your f#cking death warrant!’  Priceless.  All the while, the birthday boy is blacked out and looking for his jacket, which he was wearing.”

“I remember at the end of senior year getting hit on by a VERY tall girl while we were both drunk, and the only thing I could think about with every word that left her mouth was my friend’s review after sleeping with her once, ‘Dude, HUGE vagina.  Huge.  The biggest vagina I’ve ever seen.’”

“One time I threw a rock that broke one of their windows, but I was actually throwing it at a townie that was trying to kill us.  A couple days later he got dragged out of the Border by the cops in what looked to be some kind of sting operation.  That was another heart-felt moment.”

“I remember when two guys picked a fight with me and two friends.  We tried our best not to beat them up, but they made us.  Then the cops came and said, ‘Those guys look like they got a real good bitch-slapping.  Why don’t you guys go home.’  So those guys picked a fight, lost, and then got in trouble with the cops.  Classic Border.”

“I got in a fight once, where I went to kick a dude in the face and was so drunk that I missed.  Then my friend followed up with a successful kick to the dude’s face.  Classic Border.”

“One time I went there, got pretty drunk, walked passed a girl I’d never met before, said, ‘Hi,’ and immediately started making out with her.  She kissed me for a few seconds before pulling away and saying, ‘I don’t even know you.’  So I respond with ‘So what?’  And walked away.”

“I went to the Border one night and found this slut, took her to my apartment (behind the Border), she did some blow, then sucked me off and left.  End of story.”

“One evening while highly intoxicated and on some other ’substances’ I took it upon myself to begin hooking up with a guy by the bathroom.  People may have been watching, who knows.  From there we proceeded to have sex directly behind the Border.  Stay classy, Denver.”

“I remember pissing in the sink with two other dudes because the stalls and the urinals were clogged with vomit.  That happened a lot.”

So long, The Border.  I will always remember you with a combination of fondness and revulsion.  You provided me with so many fun times and life-threatening moments.  You will always be a monument to our depravity.  R.I.P., you sick bastard.