Sports galvanizes people.  It brings us together.  It gives us hope.  It is a welcome distraction.  It brings us heroes.  It gives you something you can believe in.  And in no instance was this more true than in the case of the post-Katrina Saints.  In the wake of that disaster, the city turned to what was for a long time the only team in town.  A team that, like them, had been through hard times.  A team that they had stood by when times were tough.  And a team that they now needed to stand by them in their time of need.  That city needed something to be proud of.  Something to root for.  Something that it could celebrate.  People that it could look up to.  It needed underdogs-turned-heroes like Drew Brees, an injured castoff of a QB who signed with them for less money than other teams had offered because he felt that he could help the team and the city.  He has done both.  They needed people like Louisiana native Tracy Porter, who had a picture of the Louisiana Superdome shaved into his head the day before his game-clinching interception for a TD.  That was a symbol of New Orleans in its darkest days, a refugee shelter for its own fans, now being used as motivation for brighter days.  For healing.  For closure to a painful past.  For catharsis.

People can downplay the fact that a victory for a sports franchise can do much to heal a ravaged city.  But those people don’t understand what that team means to that town.  Or their stadium to the people who slept in it and now cheer in it.  Or those players to the people who they donate their time and money to.  Doubters don’t understand the need to believe in something bigger than yourself, or the need to be proud of where your from and how far you’ve come.  They don’t understand that when you have so little to feel good about, you cling to what little good you have left.  The Saints were that common good for New Orleans.  They were the one thing that survivors of that tragedy could put their hopes and dreams into, could look at with pride, could feel uplifted by, and finally feel good about themselves because the hope that they had clung to while their city was adrift has now come through for them when they needed it.  Celebrate, New Orleans, like only you know how.  You deserve it.  I have a feeling that this Mardi Gras is going to be the best yet.

The following pictures were taken by me 7 months after Katrina struck New Orleans.

This is a video of Bourbon Street after the Saints won the title:

Cardinals/Saints

Here’s all you need to know about this game:

Not the QB shootout I was hoping for.  The Cardinals couldn’t protect Warner, which kept him from getting the ball in the hands of his talented receivers. Meanwhile, Drew Brees and Reggie Bush put on a pretty good show.

Colts/Ravens

I’m pretty sure the Ravens thought they were playing Hot Potato and not football.  They threw 2 picks, fumbled twice… even Ed Reed fumbled.  “But wait,” you say, “Ed Reed is a safety, how did he fumble?”  Well, Ed Reed picked off Peyton Manning, returned it 38 yards, and then got stripped.  Thus is the creative variety of the Ravens’ turnovers on Saturday.  It’s never fun watching a game in which one of the teams keeps shooting themselves in the foot.

Vikings/Cowboys

The Cowboys have sore vaginas.  They claim that the Vikings were running up the score on them.  The Vikings won 34-3 after a late touchdown.  The previous two weeks, the Cowboys beat the Eagles 24-0 and 34-14 (after the Eagles scored a late touchdown to make the score look less pathetic).  Keith Brooking charged the sidelines at the end of the game and shouted at Vikings’ coach Brad Childress. “I thought it was classless,” Brooking said. “I thought it was B.S. Granted, we get paid to stop them, but…“  Well, there you have it.  You blow out a team twice in a row, including in the playoffs, then get blown out and cry about it.  Then you admit that you didn’t do your job in stopping them and that’s why they beat the shit out of you.  Then you say “but” acknowledging that you’re being a hypocrite and a crybaby while simultaneously trying to justify it.  No, Keith Brooking, they aren’t classless.  They were competing with integrity.  They were playing hard til the end.  That’s what you’re taught to do in every game of every sport since you were in elementary school.  I’ll let the Vikings’ Visanthe Shiancoe, who scored the late TD, have the last word.  “Ok, we apologize.  I’m sorry.  Better?”

Jets/Chargers

This was the only good game of the bunch, though I’m sure several thousand idiots out there are complaining about the low score.  It featured a scoreless tie at the end of the 1st quarter, with both defenses dominating early (though the Jets’ uncreative offensive play-calling is probably to blame for their lack of a first down through their first 3 or 4 possessions).  Then the Chargers took control for most of the game, until the Jets fortunes were turned around starting with two interceptions, including this impossible grab by Darrelle Revis:

After that, the Jets scored two TDs in the 4th on a bootleg pass from Mark “Dirty” Sanchez and a breakaway 53 yard run by Shonn Greene.  The only downside to this game was the three missed field goals by Chargers’ kicker Nate Kaeding, which would have given them at least a tie and at most a win.  But despite that, this was a hard-fought close game from start to finish.  That’s about the least these teams could give us after watching the three previous ass beatings.

Eye Candy

Welcome to another addition of Eye Candy / Eye Rape where I rate the NFL games this week in turms of their watchability.  Let’s get going:

Texans vs. 49ers: The first half was some brutal eye rape, but then the 49ers came back and almost tied it.  Plus, we got to see Alex Smith look like an actualy QB instead of a huge bust.  So, Eye Candy

Packers vs. Browns: The browns are walking eye rape.  Any game involving them will be in that category.  If you’re not watching Derek Anderson make a mockery of his contract, you’re watching Brady Quinn’s bulging arm veins.  They are the “pick your poison” of Eye Rape.

Chargers vs. Chiefs: This was eye sodomy.  One team is good but is full of a$$holes, one team is bad and is overshadowed by one ginormous a$$hole.  Speaking of which, watching LJ meltdown after the game over Twitter was definitely eye candy.  But the game itself?  Eye Rape with a Blunt Object

Colts vs. Rams: Much like the Browns, any game involving the Rams is eye rape, only more so.  This is easily the least-good team in the league and I’m fully predicting an 0-16 season out of them.  They’re worse than the Lions were last year, and they pulled it off.  In fact, each games play is pretty close to actual rape.  All that’s missing is the opposing teams d*cks in the Rams’ a$$es.  Eye Gang Rape

Vikings vs. Steelers: This one was the opposite of eye rape.  It was an eye orgasm with someone you love.

Eye Rape

I could watch Brett Favre get his ass kicked all day.  And lucky for me, that’s exactly what I got to see yesterday thanks to the Steelers’ defense.  Thanks guys.  I’m going to go smoke a cigarette now.  Sweet, Sweet Eye Candy

Patriots vs. Buccaneers: Seriously NFL?  You wanted to show THIS to England to try to get them interested in football?  That’s not even close to a genuine attempt at giving them a competitive game to watch.  All they saw was a track meet by the Pats.  There is no joke here, only criticism for the NFL.  If you’re going to bother putting on games in London, and are genuinely trying to build an audience there, why not bother to put together a good matchup?  This is just a waste of everyone’s time.  International Eye Rape

Jets vs. Raiders: JaMarcus Russel is eye rape personified.  I feel violated after every time I watch him.  Eye Rape so bad that it feels like actual rape.

Bills vs. Panthers: Two terrible teams battling it out to see who’s worse.  This game featured a new QB in Buffalo whose name I’m not even bothering to learn.  In fact, it hasn’t mattered since Flutie.  Lossman, Edwards, New Guy, it doesn’t matter.  They are terrible.  Eye Statutory Rape (in honor of Roman Polanski’s arrest)

Bengals vs. Bears: This was not only vicious eye rape, it was an eye hate-f#ck.  Cedric Benson spent a few years and a few million dollars being a bench player on our team, then got into a ton of legal trouble, then went to Cincy and showed us why he was the #4 overall pick.  Where was this when you wee in Chicago, Cedric?  And why do you feel the need to take revenge on a team that tried to make you successful, only to have you burn them with a series of arrests?  Eye Rape as some sort of sick revenge

Cowboys vs. Falcons: This was a pretty competitive game, but I most liked it for watching the emergence of a new NFL star, Miles Austin, an underdog if there ever was one.  He went undrafted out of Monmouth University and has spent 3 years as a role player.  Watching him destroy opposing defenses is about as pleasurable to watch as anything in sports right now.  Also, Patrick Crayton scored 2 TDs, further marginalizing Roy Williams.  I know it’s petty, but I can’t resist on bringing this back to Matt Millen.  That guy is officially 1 for 4 at drafting first round wide receivers (all top 10 pics).  Eye Candy

Saints vs. Dolphins: Delicious eye candy.  The Dolphins jumped all over the Saints early, which was intriguing given that New Orleans was undefeated.  But then Drew Brees started doing his Frank Reich impression, and the Saints came back from 21 points down to winning by 12.  It was like watching the Rope a Dope.  Extra points for Reggie Bush’s CRAZY leap into the end zone from the six yard line.  This wasn’t just Eye Candy, watching this game was like being at the titty bars in heaven.

Cardinals vs. Giants: Nobody watched this game.  Well, maybe Cardinals fans, and they probably liked it a lot.  Yes these were two good NFC teams matched up, but the Yankees were clinching, so only people in Phoenix cared.  Total Indifference to what was probably a good game.

Eagles vs. Redskins: This game didn’t deserve my viewership.  I vote that the Racist Team Name from DC That I Refuse to Type be banned from nationally televised games until Dan Snyder sells the team or installs his buddy Tom Cruise at QB.  Now, THAT would be an entertaining game to watch.  Eye Rape by an insane millionaire

And that’s it for this edition of Eye Candy / Eye Rape.  The final was: Eye Candy 4 – Eye Rape 8.  See you next week!

Geaux Saints!

Drew Brees was overheard shouting “Deez nutz!” as he threw his 4th TD pass in his team’s destruction of the formerly undefeated Giants.  Eli and the Giants looked like crap against the only good team they’ve played all year, while the Saints looked great in ever phase of the game.  Brees not only proved how much better he is that Eli, but also gave us a look at who might soon be considered the greatest QB to ever wear a Saints uniform (formerly that other Manning dude).  Jeremy Shockey caught one of Brees’ 4 TD passes, which must have made this loss taste extra salty for the Giants.  The New Orleans faithful showed their love for Brees and his teammates by getting wasted on hurricanes and flashing their tits.

Now I’m sitting in my bedroom at my parents house, delirious with hunger from having to fast for a day, and trying to digest the day in football since I can’t digest any food.  My Bears won an interesting game in which our opponent missed two easy field goals for the second week in a row, both games having been capitalized upon by a Jay Cutler-led drive for the winning score.  We also saw the Lions win for their first time in 20 games, which is a miserable stat in any sport, but especially one that only plays 16 games a year.  We also saw Brett Favre gun-sling his way to another victory in the way that only the old gun-slinging gun-slinger can because he has so much fun and likes to sling guns and don’t we all love Brett Favre and isn’t he fun-loving and gun-slinging. The lesson to be learned from him is: take unnecessary risks, d*ck everyone over everywhere, lie and cry your a$$ off, and you will be rewarded as long as you look like you have fun doing it.  There are few faces on earth I want to punch more than Brett Fav-ruh’s.

Mike Vick returned to playing football… poorly.  The Bengals had an exciting last-second victory over the defending (though not very well) champs.  The Colts officially ushered in Arizona’s Super Bowl hangover.  Kyle Orton showed that he can keep winning football games despite not displaying any discernible football skills.  The Rams are really going out of their way to prove that they are the worst team in the NFL.  Really guys, we believe you, you don’t have to convince us.  Fred Taylor proved that you can have 6,900 knee surgeries and still be a productive running back in the NFL.  Mark Sanchez continues to prove he is the greatest Mexican American QB who ever lived, and also continues to grow out a mustache just to frustrate all of the commentators who want to make a “Dirty Sanchez” joke on air, but will lose their job if they do.  One of these days, an announcer’s head is going to explode because of this.  Or they’ll just give in and be fired immediately.  Those are the only two options.  Keep it up Mark.

The Giants proved that my friend Dave and I totally overlooked Tampa as one of the worst teams in the league.  The Ravens continued to torture Cleveland fans who know that all these years of amazing defense and championship contention should be theirs, but instead their new franchise is in shambles while they continue to draft and sign terrible QBs with no end in sight.  Fun times in Cleveland.  Mo-Jo Drew played one man wrecking crew while Drew Brees took a breather and let his teammates carry him for a change.  I’m sure Phillip Rivers talked mad sh*t to the opposing team again after running in for a score, and really deserves a good kick in the nuts, hard.

That’s it for Sunday’s games.  Monday night we have a match-up between two teams who people thought were contenders in the last few years, and are setting their hearts on proving just how dumb any of those Super Bowl picks were for either team.  They also both feature QBs who people used to think were good, but are also out to prove just how wrong any of us were about that.  Good times.  But as the sign says, I won’t be watching or writing about it, because I’m a Jew and tomorrow is our day for being hungry and apologizing for stuff.  For serious.  Look it up if you don’t believe me.