Posts In: Baseball

Baseball musings, predictions, jokes, nightmares, and foolishness.

Sports Announcer Endorsed Products

With the release of Tim McCarver’s groundbreaking debut album, Songs by Dead People for the Nostalgia of Old People, several of his contemporaries are jumping on the bandwagon to shamelessly cash in on their names while they can.  Here are a few products endorsed by sports announcers:

Big Unit Hangs Up His Jock

Randy Johnson is retiring from baseball.  No longer can we tune in to watch him do his scarecrow imitation on the mound, or  see the game’s greatest mullet in action.  He leaves the game as one of the greatest pitchers of all time, and definitely the only person in the history of the world to [...]

Hey small market teams, eat sh*t and die.

The baseball off-season has been slow to develop, unless your team was already awesome.  The Yanks got Granderson; the Sawx got Lackey and Mike Cameron; the Phillies traded one ace to Seattle (Lee) for another from Toronto (Halladay); the Angels got Matsui; the Mets will probably land Jason Bay; the Cardinals are desperate to re-sign [...]

A Love Letter From A-Rod

Dearest Grace,
I received your letter several days ago, but decided to let it’s message sink in for a while before replying. I can’t tell you how much your words meant to me.  I want to let you know that I understand how you feel.  I have often wondered what would happen if we were to [...]

A Love Letter to A-Rod

Grace Dunkley-Asphall is a poet and writer who I happened to work with a few years ago.  Since we both run our own blogs, we decided to do a swap in which we would post on each other’s sites.  Here is Grace’s entry for TOF.  Stay tuned for part II when I post a rebuttal [...]

Cartoon Doc Ellis Throws a No-Hitter on Acid

Yankees on Nine Hour World Series Drought

The New York Yankees haven’t won a World Series in nine hours.  George Steinbrenner rose from his sarcophagus early this morning furious that his team hadn’t won any more championships while he was sleeping.  He immediately called Brian Cashman and woke him up to scream at him about the Yankees need to win a 28th [...]

Charlie Manual: “We’re gonna start Cliff Lee in games 6 and 7.”

Phillies’ manager Charlie Manual announced his starting pitchers for game 6 and 7 of the World Series: Cliff Lee.  The Phillies’ ace is coming off a game 5 win on Monday, after pitching a complete-game win in game 1, and will be coming off a two day rest and zero day rest between his next [...]

A-Rod Still Not Clutch (according to people who aren’t paying attention)

So last night A-Rod “got the monkey off his back” by finally stepping up and delivering in the clutch.  But if one looks closer, and by closer we mean “pays attention to reality versus hype,” it becomes apparent that A-Rod has been clutch all along.  I’ve already covered how amazing his lifetime playoff numbers are [...]

Johnny Damon Is WAY Smarter Than He Looks

Yes, Johnny Damon became famous as one of the key guys on a team that bragged about being a bunch of idiots.  Yes, he  married a stripper who he started dating because his friend Derek Lowe, who was nailing her at the time, said “Dude, you have to sleep with this chick.  It’s awesome!”  But [...]