Author Archives: JD

Girardi Refers To Young Player As Female Genetalia (In A Loving Way)

Alright! Enough! I have absolutely had it with managers who add a “y” to end of a player’s name and there it is: a new nickname. It’s unoriginal and unimaginative bullshit. I’m talking to you Francona and Girardi. You two are the biggest culprits. Recently, one of my new favorite Yankees, catcher Francisco Cervelli, was [...]

Things We Like: Dogfish Head Beer

Like most people who like sports, I also like beer. I’m now 28 years old, and becoming a snob faster than I would like to admit. In other words, I’m trying to cut down on piss-water beer when I’m not playing drinking games (Jerm: mulligan on the other night. Three-dollar PBR’s are not a choice; [...]

Wait, We Have To Play A Second Half?

Kaka and company: go ahead and put your thumb in your mouth. You deserve it. The U.S. Men’s National Team played like Brazil in the first half of the FIFA Confederation Cup Championship, then Brazil played like Brazil in the second half. The result: a 3-2 loss. The general media is jumping all over this [...]

Happy Birthday Jeter. Now Go Deflower Some Hot Girl We Don’t Even Know About Yet.

I’m a Yankees fan. And like every Yankees fan, I like Derek Jeter for reasons I don’t think I need to go into, as they will be incredibly repetitive and derivative. Also like many other Yankee fans, I am often disenfranchised with the way the team is run. Jeter is in the final two years [...]

Jackson To Coach Lakers Only When Showtime’s Weeds Is a Repeat

“What can I say? I just like the show,” is how Jackson began his press conference on Wednesday. “I think Mary-Louise Parker is a fantastic actress; I’m a major fan.”
Jackson went on to discuss a deal that he and Laker-owner Jerry Buss have been working on since the Lakers won the NBA title. “Jerry (Buss) [...]

U.S. Soccer Wins! Landon Donovan Seen Talking to Red-Colored, Mean Guy with Horns.

On Sunday afternoon, the U.S. Men’s National Team defeated Egypt and advanced to the semifinals in the FIFA Confederations Cup, which is basically a World Cup dress rehearsal. Prior to yesterday’s game, the U.S Men’s National Team sucked really badly in the FIFA Confederations Cup. However, lucky for them, the Italians sucked just as much. [...]

Sosa Enhanced His Performance? SHOCKER!

Really? Are you surprised? I’m not. After all, he did cork his bat. It almost looks like they share a secret.

Dodging Icebergs Is Hard When You’re Drunk

Sorry Frankie, but you knew what you were getting into. The Mets are the opposite of Mark Teixeira hustling from first on a routine pop-up to win the game. That would never even occur to them. Honestly, can you even picture Jose Reyes doing that?
Every season the Mets begin with a seemingly (although sometimes only [...]

NFL Players Use Off-Season to Kick Back, Relax, Commit Crimes

The following is an excerpt from an interview with an unnamed NFL player who may or may not exist about his typical off-season activities and those of his colleagues.
Q. So what exactly is the typical NFL player’s off-season like?
A. Well, after verbally and physically assaulting somebody who is undoubtedly smaller than I, I might [...]