Monthly Archives: January 2010

No One Wants to See That

January 27, 2010 – 9:28 am

Gregg Oden can now be added to the list of celebrities with naked pictures circulating on the interwebz.  Since neither I, nor anyone else, would willfully seek out and look at these pictures, one can only speculate as to how disgusting he looks in his birthday suit.  The one question I have is: Which is [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Basketball | Tagged , , , | Comments (4)

Favre to Retire

January 25, 2010 – 11:43 am

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre called a press conference today to announce his (third) retirement from football.  Favre cried a lot and said that finishing his career on a game in which his 2 interceptions and 1 fumble ended his team’s chance at a title was a fitting way to call it quits.  Immediately after his [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Football | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Derrick Rose Pwning the Suns

January 23, 2010 – 9:19 am

That’s our point guard.  He’s 6′3″ and he’s throwing down like he’s Shawn Kemp.  And he’s only 21.  There is no precedence, and no ceiling for this kid.  Notice at the end that he has to duck under the back board to avoid hitting his head after he gets bumped by Dragic.  Speaking of which, [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Basketball | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)

Joe Dumars, Bring These Guys a Sandwich

January 18, 2010 – 2:44 pm

I was just watching the Knicks/Pistons game and I noticed what looked like a broom handle with a number 5 jersey playing for the Pistons.  Turns out it was rookie Austin Daye.  I didn’t think there would be a player who could out-skinny Tayshaun Prince, but Daye is looking to take his title.  Here’s a [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Basketball | Tagged , , , , | Comments (1)

3 Beatdowns and a Little Baby (Keith Brooking)

January 18, 2010 – 12:26 pm

Welcome to the weekend roundup.  Let’s jump right in.
Cardinals/Saints
Here’s all you need to know about this game:

Not the QB shootout I was hoping for.  The Cardinals couldn’t protect Warner, which kept him from getting the ball in the hands of his talented receivers. Meanwhile, Drew Brees and Reggie Bush put on a pretty good [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Football | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

I don’t Believe in Curses…

January 14, 2010 – 1:15 pm

… the Clippers just suck.  And have bad luck.  And bad karma.  And a shitty team.  And a racist, stingy owner.  And no fan support.  And no stadium of their own.  I think it’s about time the Clippers are officially bestowed the title “Worst Sports Franchise on Earth.”
In case you didn’t hear, the Clippers number [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Basketball | Tagged , , , , | Comments (3)

Every Grocery Bagger’s Hero

January 11, 2010 – 9:37 am

Yesterday Kurt Warner played possibly the greatest game by a QB in the history of the NFL playoffs.  Here is his stat line:
29-33, 379 yards, 5 TDs, 0 INT
He had more TDs than incompletions.    One of his incompletions was due to Charles Woodson, possibly the defensive MVP, just barely tipping the ball off course.  [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Football | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

This is something that actually exists

January 8, 2010 – 2:11 pm

Somehow, at no point in any phase of concept, development, production, or marketing of this product did anyone say to themselves or their colleagues, “Wait a minute, kids pumping goo onto each other looks a little… you know… like jerking off onto each other.  Maybe this product is a bad idea.”  Nope, that never happened.  [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Not Sports | Comments (0)

Big Fat Person Key to Victory

January 8, 2010 – 10:50 am

In assessing the first round NFL playoff matchups, ESPN’s Mark Schlereth named fat man Vince Wilfork the key to the Patriots victory, and presumably the one to blame if they lose.  The Patriots hopes to advance to the next round now lie on his broad, fat shoulders.  He must use his tremendous girth to lift [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Football | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (0)

Big Unit Hangs Up His Jock

January 6, 2010 – 10:34 am

Randy Johnson is retiring from baseball.  No longer can we tune in to watch him do his scarecrow imitation on the mound, or  see the game’s greatest mullet in action.  He leaves the game as one of the greatest pitchers of all time, and definitely the only person in the history of the world to [...]

By Jeremy Hawn | Posted in Baseball | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)