The Other Fifteen

My territory, minus a state or two.

Because I just realized that although we have a lot of NFL writing on this website, we have little to no college football chatter on here. Thus, I decided to take it upon myself to talk college football with the Other Fifteen masses.

Now, a bit of a disclaimer before you start asking, “Well, where’s Florida and USC on here?”

There’s a reason for this: I am a hard-born Midwesterner. My mom’s entire family is from Iowa (and a few from the vastly underrated city of Omaha, Neb…seriously, it’s a great little city). And despite the fact that my dad was a military brat, he was born in Indianapolis and went to Notre Dame (sorry), so that’s another point for my Midwestern-ness.

As for me, I was born in Illinois, and despite a brief detour into Colorado, spent my formative years in Michigan. I’ve spent some time in Texas, and I now live in Missouri. Basically, I’ve never not lived in a state where there wasn’t either a Big 10 or Big 12 school in the mix. And although Texas isn’t technically Midwestern, it’s not SEC country, so f*ck you.

Point is, the Big 10 and Big 12 are all I know. There’s no way I could ever get used to or enjoy anything else. Football in the south? Too crazy. Football in the west? Too glitzy. Football on the east coast? I didn’t realize football even existed on the east coast (sorry, Big East).

So that’s it. I’ll be picking winners of the Big 10 and Big 12. And, when the mood strikes me, the MAC (yeah, the MAC…get used to it). Hopefully this week and every week. I might even get crazy and include my alma mater, beloved Hillsdale College, and their awesome D-II GLIAC brethren.

If you want hard-hitting analysis on “real” football teams like Florida and USC, well…look elsewhere. This is about the disgusting beauty that is the Big 10. This is about games that start at NOON, damnit, not at 7 p.m. Eastern. This is about teams that play in fading cities with no industry. This is about teams that play in the middle of nowhere, next to some f^cking corn or wheat or oil fields.

Yeah, that’s right. This is about the Big 10. The MAC. And the northern half of the Big 12. This is football.

The picks start after the jump.

Big 10

No. 22 Michigan (4-0) at Michigan State (1-3), noon/ 11c
Disclaimer: I’m a Sparty fan. But even someone who wasn’t a State fan could recognize that neither of these teams reflects their record. Michigan hasn’t beat anyone (Notre Dame doesn’t count, yet) while MSU should be 3-1. This game could and should be ugly. It will be glorious. I’ll go with State, just because I’m a biased a$$hole.

Wisconsin (4-0) at Minnesota (3-1), noon/ 11c
Gophers should have beaten Cal, but then again, everyone knows now that Cal is a big fraud anyway. Wisconsin, like Michigan, hasn’t beaten anyone either. I actually can’t name a single player on either of these teams. Yawn. Gophers at home?

Northwestern (2-2) at Purdue (1-3), noon/ 11c
How does Northwestern lose to Syracuse? How does anyone lose to Syracuse, for that matter? Penn State and Minnesota both got it done. I thought Northwestern was supposed to be “good.” But then again, “good” in the Big Ten is a relative term. Unfortunately for Purdue, bad is still bad. Cats get the win.

Arkansas State (1-2) at No. 13 Iowa (4-0), noon/ 11c
Goddamnit, Iowa. Goddamnit. I want to love you. I really do. You have a sweet defense and a good, no nonsense rushing attack. That Stanzi guy looks good at quarterback. But noooooo. You have to go and fuck up all the goodwill you might have received from beating Penn State by scheduling Arkansas State. Arkansas State! I mean, come on! Does ANYONE in this conference want to be taken seriously? Goddamn.

No. 15 Penn State (3-1) at Illinois (1-2), 3:30/ 2:30c
As far as “being taken seriously,” we know that Penn State’s answer is “no.” Their nonconference schedule consists of Akron, Temple, Syracuse and then, just to spice things up, next week they play Eastern Illinois. Don’t get too crazy, JoePa. Wouldn’t want to break another leg.

No. 9 Ohio State (3-1) at Indiana (3-1), 7/ 6c
And the shitty thing about it? The only team in this conference that WANTS to be taken seriously but CAN’T because they suck against non-conference teams not from Ohio. Why do I like this fucking conference so much again?

Big 12

Kansas State (2-2) at Iowa State (2-2), 3/ 2c
Who doesn’t love a battle between two mediocre farming schools? Hey, where are you going….? There’s a big shindig going on in Ames….

New Mexico (0-4) at Texas Tech (2-2), 3:30/ 2:30c
I think the only real question here is, how many touchdown passes does Taylor Potts throw before the Lobo secondary coach knifes the linebackers coach?

Kent State (2-2) at Baylor (2-1), 7/6c
Hmm. Interesting. I’m trying to figure out exactly who will watch this game. I mean, I’ll bet even Baylor fans have better things to do with their time.

Texas A&M (3-0) vs. Arkansas (1-2), 7:30/ 6:30c
The Hogs have played some legit teams. They almost beat UGA and then got sauced by Alabama. A&M is 3-0 after beating some saps. They are also a paramilitary organization. I wouldn’t piss them off.

No. 8 Oklahoma (2-1) at No. 17 Miami (FL) (2-1), 8/ 7c
OK, riddle me this: BYU beat the Sooners without Sam Bradford. The the Sooners, without Sam Bradford, put a beat-down on Idaho State and Tulsa. Not exactly earth-shattering teams to beat. Yet somehow, OU is still in the top ten. Miami, on the other hand, is also 2-1, and they’ve played three ranked teams in a row. Yet somehow, after only one loss to a better-than-expected Virginia Tech team, they fell out of the top ten? Will someone explain this shit to me? They need to give me a goddamn vote. I say Miami wins and exposed Oklahoma for the f*ckers that they are.

No MAC today. I’m just not feelin’ it. But I will pick the Hillsdale College Chargers (now ranked No. 24 and 4-1 after upsetting the No. 13 Ashland Eagles) to smash the puny Findlay Oilers in Findlay, Ohio on Saturday night. That sets up an awesome battle with perennial D-II power Grand Valley State next weekend. It will be epic.