That picture will make sense in a minute. Or maybe it won’t, I don’t care. I’m only here for me anyway. So, to the footy this weekend!
Saturday, 6:45 EST – Wolves v. Aston Villa (ESPN 2): Yeah yeah, anything can happen in a local derby and all that jazz. In reality, Villa should be brimming with piss and vinegar and bunch of other stuff after humbling Chelsea last weekend. But Villa have a tendency to fuck things up royal. Still, I’d expect a win here, over a Wolves side where I can barely name one player.
10 AM EST – Hull v. Portsmouth: I apologize if this post takes on an angrier tone than usual, but Under The Bridge is on the radio right now, which might be the worst song released in the 90’s, and should have been a portent to how incredibly awful the Chili Peppers would eventually become. Anyway, relegation six-pointer here. Portsmouth really haven’t been as bad as their results indicate, and Hull have probably been worse. Altidore still won’t play, and our hopes for South Africa take another kick to the ribs. Frantic, desperate, passionate, but not all that much fun to watch. 1-1 here.
10 Am EST – Birmingham v Sunderland (FSC): So though the manner of the defeat was especially appalling, the actual result of Pool losing at Sunderland wasn’t. The Makems should have walked out of Old Trafford with all three points, and they’ll take more big scalps as the season goes on. With Michael Turner at the back, they’re pretty solid, and a strikeforce of Bent and Jones causes everyone problems. Connecting the two are the now-not-hilariously-fat Andy Reid, who’s been wonderful. That said, this has all the makings of a trap game. Big win last week, everyone lining up to suck you off, and coming up against just a horrific team that you take lightly.
10 AM EST – Spurs v. Stoke: Stoke manager Tony Pulis wears a stupid hat on the touchline. Spurs win. That is all.
10 AM EST – Burnley v. Wigan: I keep waiting for Wigan manager Roberto Martinez’s up-tempo, entertaining style of play to pay off, and it clearly just isn’t going to. Especially at Burnley, where they’ve been a tough out. A slog, with Burnley managing some scrappy goal that you could probably score.
12:30 PM EST – Chelsea v Blackburn (FSC): John Terry’s tantrum after Villa’s second last week was so funny I nearly punched myself in the balls. This guy has all the maturity of a 6-year old, but because he’s English, white, and looks like he just rolled out of the pub, all the Brits love him. Never mind the fact that his pace will get exposed at the World Cup – if not sooner – and England will crash out earlier than they should again. Anyway, still enough to see of Blackburn here. Chelsea won’t hit a huge rut until African Nations Cup time, when they’re front line will consist of Nico Anelka and a cast of thousand B-level French dudes.
Sunday, 9:30 EST – Bolton v. Everton: Game will probably be worse than the hangover.
11 Am ESt – Man City v. Fulham: Fulham coming off a European tie, and are usually just abysmal away from home. Man City have been lights out there. What is 3-0 going off at?
12:15 PM EST – West Ham v. Arsenal (FSC): Arsenal were pretty poor in midweek, so they’ll either be looking to turn it up a notch here or still have a malaise. Either should be enough to outdo West Ham, who have some serious bad mojo going on. It’s unfortunate, manager Gianfranco Zola seems a good dude, but we’ve been through this.
GAME OF THE WEEK: Sunday, 9:55 AM EST – Liverpool v Man United (FSC): I hate these games so much. If you’re a sports fan of any team, then you know what games against your biggest rival are like. They’re not enjoyable in anyway. I shake for two hours. I just want it to be over the minute it starts. Even victories aren’t all that joyous, just a sense of relief. It’s like chewing glass (there’s the connection!). Anyway, Liverpool could be without Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard — though I bet Torres plays — and United without Rooney. So this might not be all that entertaining to watch for the neutral. Pool are all kinds of turgid without those two, and United haven’t been all that entertaining even with Rooney, though far more effective. Something tells me 0-0 or 1-1, but the game means so much more to Pool I could see them sneaking it. Or I could see them getting tallywhacked 4-1. I hope it’s the former, will have the razors ready for the latter.
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