But I still love it. I went 5-1 last week for the Big 10 and 3-1 with the Big 12 “picks” that I made (I conveniently dodged actually making a pick for Iowa State/ K-State, so that one doesn’t count). Also, good ole Hillsdale got murdered by Findlay. No longer ranked. Missed that one by a mile.
In short, here are some observations. Big 10: mediocre, but not as horrible as others would have you believe. Big 12: Not sure, since no one played anyone. MAC: Still the MAC.
I’d also like to announce that, despite my previous disparaging remarks on the conference, I’m taking on all the Big East games, because the other guy who will be joining me in talking about college football doesn’t want them. Would you? But they have Cincinnati, which is technically in the Midwest. So that’s fun.
I’m also taking the liberty of talking about Notre Dame (they might as well be a Big Ten football team anyway) and Army and Navy. Gold-helmeted independents of the football world unite!
OK, enough bull. I haven’t even looked at which games are being played this week, so this should be fun (and way too long). I am copying and pasting them to this window right….NOW!
Big 12
Starting with them because the Mizzou/ Nebraska game is tonight.
No. 21 Nebraska (3-1) at No. 24 Missouri (4-0), Thursday 9/ 8c
Blaine Gabbert vs. the Zombie Blackshirts. Nebraska has the fewest points allowed in the NCAA, but that’s because they’ve only played the entire Sun Belt Conference (plus VT, a sh*tty loss). Mizzou has decent wins over Illinois and Nevada. Tigers keep rolling.
No. 15 Oklahoma State (3-1) at Texas A&M (3-1), 12:30/ 11:30c
That Aggie loss to Arkansas was embarrassing, but no more so than OK State’s win over Grambling. Pokes still win.
Iowa State (3-2) at No. 16 Kansas (3-2), 12:30/ 11:30 c
The good team from Kansas vs. the crappy team from Iowa. I know, it’s hard to keep these flyover schools straight, isn’t it? Rock Chalk.
Baylor (3-1) at No. 19 Oklahoma (2-2), 3:30/ 2:30c
Will he or won’t he? Hint: OU could put Wayne Coyne at quarterback and still beat Baylor.
Kansas State (3-2) at Texas Tech (3-2) 7/ 6c
Purple and red is an ugly color combination. Luckily, Tech won’t make me watch it for too long.
Colorado (1-3) at No. 2 Texas (4-0), 7:15/ 6:15c
Hey, Michigan isn’t the only BCS school who’s lost to Toledo in the past 12 months! Welcome to the club, Buffs!
Big 10
The title of this post says it all. The Big Ten: Where mediocrity happens.
Eastern Illinois (4-1) at No. 14 Penn State (4-1), noon/ 11c
This game is on ESPN Classic. Who is honestly going to go out of their way to tune into this game?
Miami (OH) (0-5) at Northwestern (3-2), noon/ 11c
The sh*tty Miami team takes on the only somewhat good Northwestern team. The other Northwestern team already lost to Houston and gets a tussle with Central Arkansas, a region of that state that, apparently, exists.
Purdue (1-4) at Minnesota (3-2), noon/ 11c
I have nothing to say to the state of Minnesota at this point. You are dead to me, and you can take your crappy dome with you. Boiler up, baby.
Michigan State (2-3) at Illinois (1-3), noon/ 11 c
The two biggest disappointments of the Big Ten this season. Whaddaya say we just skip this one and re-gather in Champaign come March?
Wisconsin (5-0) at No. 9 Ohio State (4-1), 3:30/ 2:30c
Your eyes are deceiving you. The Badgers are not REALLY undefeated. It’s all part of the media conspiracy. Or something. Bucks.
Indiana (3-2) at Virginia (1-3), 3:30/ 2:30c
Come on, people, give me something to work with here! I guess IU hasn’t lost to an FCS opponent, so I’ll give them the dubious nod.
Michigan at No. 12 Iowa, 8:05/ 7:05c
This might as well be the only game in the Big Ten this week. Both teams have humorously-named quarterbacks. Tate Forcier is just a sex pun waiting to happen (“It’s INSANE this guy’s Tait!“). And Ricky Stanzi kind of sounds like “stasi“, those wacky German police and their crazy antics. I actively root against Michigan, and I will continue to do so here. Hawks.
Big East
As per my agreement with Knoxy, I’m forced into this. The Bearcats don’t play this week, which makes it even more difficult to stomach.
West Virginia (3-1) at Syracuse (2-3), noon/ 11c
I had to come back to this one. I forgot anything I ever knew about these teams, which is basically nothing. Mountaineers get it by record default. Side note: Why do Syracuse have a dome in their logo? That’s gotta be the least intimidating thing ever. I miss the giant anthropomorphic Orange.
Texas Southern (1-3) at Rutgers (3-1), 3:30/ 2:30c
How can I say anything about this game? Seriously. This is why the Big East is even shittier than the Big Ten. Rutgers wins.
Connecticut (3-1) at Pittsburgh (4-1), 3:30/ 2:30c
This would make an awesome basketball game. Think Pit can get Levance Fields to play wideout? I mean, just for the hell of it? It would only make them even more awesome.
Southern Miss (3-2) at Louisville (1-3), 7:30/ 6:30c
Favre College nearly beat Kansas, so that’s something. Maybe they can beat Louisville too and get an at-large bid in the… whoops, sorry, wrong sport again. My bad.
Independents
If I didn’t preview Notre Dame, my dad would be mad at me. Luckily, they don’t play this week. But I promised you Army and Navy, so Navy and Army you shall receive.
Vanderbilt (2-3) at Army (2-3), noon/ 11c
Too many damn gold helmets here. Just get it over with, already, Vandy.
Navy (3-2) at Rice (0-5), 3:30/ 2:30c
One of the favorite cheers we’d do in high school against our rivals at Brother Rice was this: “What comes out of a Chinamans’ a$$? RICE! RICE! RICE! RICE!” Not much more to this one than that.
MAC
I don’t know why I thought I wanted the MAC in the first place, but I do. I’ll cover all the ones that aren’t already playing a Big Ten team.
Eastern Michigan (0-4) at Central Michigan (4-1), noon/ 11c
Dan LeFevo(u?)r is kind of awesome. For a Central Michigan Chippewa, anyway. Best thing to come out of Mt. Pleasant since Chris Kaman.
Ball State (0-5) at Temple (2-2), 1/ 2c
You know they named a building after Letterman in Muncie? It’s true. It in no way trumps Cosby, however.
Gardner-Webb (4-1) at Buffalo (1-4), 3:30/ 2:30c
I honestly thought G-W was Division II team. Buffalo could be.
Bowling Green (1-4) at Kent State (2-3), 3:30/ 2:30c
Since we’re on the celebrity alma maters thing, might as well do the same here: Drew Carey always beats… hey, wait… Ric Ocasek? Seriously? OK, nevermind. Go Falcons.
Ohio (3-2) at Akron (1-3), 6/ 5c
Who starts games at 6 p.m.? I guess if you’re in Akron, you’ve got nothing better to do if the Black Keys aren’t in town.
Western Michigan (2-3) at Toledo (3-2), 7/ 6c
I’m drained on this. I have nothing left in the snark tank. Toledo.
Finally, Grand Valley State University (6-0) at (Hillsdale College (4-2). It’s the faceless directional state party school (seriously, most generic campus ever) vs. the kinda lame uptight liberal arts college (many of our football cheers, no joke, were based either on Latin wordplay or works of literature…. eff me). Who will win?
Well, the Chargers have lost their last ten games against the Lakers and are a Division II athletics machine. (GVSU has a student population of 24,000. Hillsdale has a population of 1,400. Gee, I wonder why they often get their asses kicked…)
It does not bode well for the Chargers, but it is homecoming and they are better than they have been in ages, so who knows?
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