The Other Fifteen

He must be made of jelly, 'cause jam don't jiggle like THAT.

Hear me out for a second.  Upon hearing numerous stories like this one I can’t help but think of my first impression of watching JaMarcus Russell in a game.  It was week one on Monday Night Football.  Russell had been taken out after twisting his knee and sat out a couple plays.  When he was brought back in, the camera showed him waddling to the huddle.  And his ass started jiggling like he was doing the Truffle Shuffle.  I couldn’t turn away.  It was both hideous and transfixing.  The waves of flesh just rippled and wobbled like a water bed.  How could somebody so flabby possibly be considered an athlete?  How can someone in their young 20s possibly let themselves go that quickly?  I’m not even talking about lifestyle choices.  I’m honestly wondering how someone goes from a fit college athlete to a tub of goo in three years.

I think I’m safe in assuming this situation is unresolvable.  Given that, can the Raiders sue him to get their money back?  They gave him a lot of money to do a job that he obviously has ZERO intention of even trying to perform.  I remember the Dolphins sued Ricky Williams after he retired to travel the world and smoke weed.  He had to return some money, and ultimately return to football to honor his contract.  Couldn’t the Raiders sue to get their money back and consider the contract void on account of his unwillingness to honor his side of the deal?  I think they need to look into this.  ‘Cause goddamn, is that guy a fat-ass.