Welcome to another installment of History Kicks Ass. For those of you who missed our previous installments, we covered baseball legends Rusty Kuntz and Urban Shocker. Well today we honor a modern day baseball legend, Dick Pole.
Look at the way he stares off into the distance. It’s as if he’s saying, “Yes, both my first and last name are synonyms for penis. But I don’t care how many jokes you make. I am above that.” And you can tell he means it, because he just as easily could have folded to the pressure and called himself Rich or Richard. Anyway, Schlong Wang had an unremarkable and short playing career followed by a long and successful coaching career for three decades and counting, though he was just fired by the Reds the other day. But his track record speaks for itself, so it shouldn’t be long before we see a visit to the mound from a guy that has “Pole” written on the back of his jersey.
Kick-ass Fact: Pole got hit in the face with a line drive shot in June of 1975 and lost 90% of his sight in his right eye. But he still managed to make it back to the mound and pitch for the Red Sox in the World Series that year and played for another 4 seasons despite the injury. So yes, Dick Pole is a one-eyed trouser snake. I mean… uh… pitcher. Oh, f#ck it. Dick jokes.
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Later, he would put together a dance collective aptly named the Dick Pole Dancers, in which all members were instructed to wear eye patches. However in time, depth perception would dash the dreams of this talented troupe.