The Other Fifteen

I dropped my trousers, rested my loins upon the somewhat sanitary toilet, and gazed at the front page of the Houston Chronicle sports section in disbelief. The Tennessee Titans were shown in throwback Houston Oilers uniforms to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the American Football League. My heart sunk just as yesterday’s stir-fry did the same. How could a team from Tennessee be wearing the uniform that my beloved Oilers once adorned? I was having flashbacks of 1996 when Bud Adams removed the hearts of the many Houston Oilers football lovers by relocating the team.

Once my flashback had ceased, I came to and decided that this Monday morning shit would be dedicated to Bud. I gripped the edge of the sink and lifted one cheek as I delved into the chamber of beer shits that I had accumulated from yesterday’s outdoor concert festivities. “What a fucking deadbeat” I thought to myself as a machine-gun-esque sound violently echoed throughout the office. I continued to read the blatantly dull article and discovered that the Titan’s would be wearing the jerseys THREE MORE TIMES this season!

A couple of high-pitched farts squeezed out as I sat there thinking about the whole situation. Bud Adams started the team, but out of respect for Houstonians he should never allow the Titans (what a lame name) to wear a uniform that has such a deep meaning to all Oilers fans. Pardon the cliche, but it’s like a slap in the face and in return, Mr. Bud Adams, I give you a symbolic crap in the face! Fuck you and your disrespect for my hometown!