The Other Fifteen

Suns Owner Robert Sarver demonstrating literally that he thinks this trade is a slam dunk.

The Suns pulled off a blockbuster trade today, acquiring Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, a 2009 draft pick, and $500,000; and only had to give up some old guy they call “Shack.”  The Suns believe that adding Wallace’s 2.9 points and 6.5 rebounds per game is what they need to push them over that championship hump.  Pavlovich will provide them with awkward cheering in a funny accent while he sits on the bench.

The Suns players could hardly control their excitement after pulling off the trade.  “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” guard Steve Nash was quoted as saying while tearing out his hair.  Forward Amare Stoudemire gave the move a thumbs up.  “I’ve been trying to convince management that I need to score more.  I’m thinking like, 50 to 60 shots a game.  Having teammates like Shawn Marion and Shaq just limited my ability to shoot the ball every time we have it.  Plus, Shaq tried to get me to play defense, and everyone knows I don’t do that.”  Grant Hill was also a fan of the trade.  “It will be nice having another injury riddled, washed up, former All-Star on the team.  Me and Ben Wallace will have a lot to talk about.  But wait, who is Sasha Pavlovic?”

Owner Robert Sarver was ecstatic.  “Yeah!  I got $500,000 straight cash homie!  Pop the crystal and call up some hoes, we’re partying tonight baby!”  When asked of the $5 million that he will save in the deal, Sarver replied “YEAH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” while spraying champagne on his front office staff.

Steve Kerr to reporters: "I am a bad GM."

GM Steve Kerr tried to get perspective on the swap.  “I was a much better player than I am GM, and even then I was a career backup, so that’s saying something.  I mean, this team was REALLY good when I took over, and now we look terrible.  I probably cost Steve Nash his only remaining chances at a championship.  Yup, I guess it’s safe to say that I’m terrible at my job.”