Viva Viagra? No, viva my dick still working. I hope I never need this stuff.
So I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but there has been a monumental shift in sports advertising over the last decade. Commercials used to be filled with beer, boobs, and jokes about beer and boobs. But now all I get to see and hear about during game breaks is how baby boomers can’t get their dicks to work. Every ad is either some boner pill, or a prostate pill. Look old man, I’m sorry that your dick doesn’t work. It sucks that you can’t get a boner when you see the cheerleaders or the hot girls in the commercials. You can’t even pee out of the useless thing. But honestly, I don’t want to hear about it! You’re bringing the rest of us down!
Oh, I get it! If you take this pill, you can "put it in the hole." Very clever, assholes.
Somehow we went from this:
To this:
You can't get it up for your hot wife? Don't worry about it, you take care of her in other ways... Just kidding, she's definitely having an affair.
Yay, we can watch the game instead of being in the line for the john! Let's hold up a sign for our prostate medicine! Ready guys... ok, now! Woo! Flomax!
Oh I’m sorry. Was my enjoying sports while having a functioning penis getting in the way of you not being to think of anything else other than how your dick is broken? Seriously, that second commercial makes me want to shoot myself. Just because your wang has absolutely zero function now is no reason for you and your pills to spoil my sports and my beer commercials with funny jokes and boobs. And when I see those boobs, I don’t want to have to think about how some old guy who also likes sports can’t get it up. And during every break in the action, I don’t want to have to think about how your doctor has to stick his finger in your ass just to confirm that the reason you can’t pee is because your prostate is the size of a watermelon.
Does this sound familiar to sports fans out there? “I didn’t have a going problem, I had a GROWING problem. It was my prostate.” Sweet, thanks for letting me know that. I was wondering why your dick can’t pee. I’m so glad that you forced me to stop enjoying my sports for long enough to think about your inability to perform basic bodily functions.
You may think I’m being insensitive. But I would probably have a little sympathy for old guys whose dicks don’t work if I didn’t have to hear about it all the goddamn time. Sorry old dude, but keep your dick problems to yourself.
This guy is tired of waiting for his buddy who has to pee all the time but can't. I'm tired of hearing about it. We should be friends.
Even Viagra will admit that their commercials are pure evil.
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Comments
Holy crap I just pissed myself (no Flomax needed) reading this.
I love it!! I feel the same way & I really hate the tampon & pad & vagasil commercials too.
Everybody needs a drug for something nowadays and the side effects are worse than the original problem
Great stuff-very funny
One of the fucking funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I love how they pepper the ads with phallic objects: guys driving big sports boats, fishing poles, etc.
My favorite is the one with the guy who’s Santa Claus at the office. I don’t even remember what particular brand it’s for, so I can’t find the video, but there’s a certain way that all the ladies in the office look when they’re whispering about him behind his back that just makes my stomach churn.
You know what I wonder about these types of commercials, why are people with herpes always at the beach? or kayaking?
The steriod companies should advertise too, after all their products are being used on the field along with Nike and Reebok. Why not promote them to everyone who wants to get into professional sports. They’ll also transition into future ED medication users like Manny Ramirez.
One Trackback
[...] Memo to old men no one wants to hear about you dick problems. The worst is being at the bar, plodding into the bathroom, breaking the seal after 4-5 beers and having the old man in the urinal next to you be a Flomax user. Guys you know what I’m talking about. For any women reading this blog, the constant straining noises followed by minimal gratification make it really uncomfortable. [...]