The following is an excerpt from an interview with an unnamed NFL player who may or may not exist about his typical off-season activities and those of his colleagues.
Q. So what exactly is the typical NFL player’s off-season like?
A. Well, after verbally and physically assaulting somebody who is undoubtedly smaller than I, I might then strike an officer who is merely rushing to the rescue of said smaller person. Shortly after that, I think that it might be really, really fun to tease the starving pit-bulls at my house (the ones that haven’t died in the ring yet) with a steak and then leave them home with my small child. Or, I might just watch a movie. I need to rest up so I can skip my team’s workouts and then funnel some beers in Vegas with the Shockman. Of course, I need to meet with my lawyer about my false claims as well as my contract holdout.
Oh, can you please hold on? Brett Favre is texting me right now to ask if I just “like” the Vikings or if I “LIKE them like them”. Man, that’s a tough question. What should I say? I don’t want to come on too strong! It’s almost as tough as the decision my team’s GM just made when he chose to break the rules in signing our new free agent acquisition over hiring a facility advisor who just got released from jail.
Oh what was I saying?
Oh yeah, the off-season! I don’t really have any specific plans, but I figure I’ll find a way to get arrested somehow. Maybe I’ll just go to a club and get in a fight. You know, just take it easy.
Actual Screengrab from ESPN NFL page on 5/26/09
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Comments
“Or, I might just watch a movie.”
That’s funny.
Shea
Damn that was moronic, truthfully one of the stupidest, most childishly written and completely POINTLESS thing I’ve ever read. Only the mentally deficient would find anything of value in your words, really man that was mindbogglingly stupid. All thats more sad than you actually believing that this was clever and funny is your need (as the pussy that you are) to try and pass judgment on others while hiding behind a computer. You say any of that shyt to me or any of my fellow ballers and you’d be put down then and there on the spot and yeah media would make it out like just another crazy athlete gone bad, no mention of you the dumb dickhead what brought the wrath. You’d never of course though say what you typed to the cat your dissing’s face though cuz you’re a coward. Everyone is 10 feet tall on the internet bitch. I got enough money just stashed around my house to buy you 6000 times over, you’re nuthin’ but a bitch. And a whiny bitch begging for attention bitch at that. STFU Bitch.
really?! thanks for proving the stereotype of pro athletes to be true. it’s called satire. start by looking it up in a dictionary if you even know what one is.